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I Could Not Win Till 7 Lost

by Jean (FPE-9-C-3)

In all of life's unusual experiences there is a beginning. Mine was at age four and a half. Perhaps vivid memories of our infant years are rare, but my first recollections of the "Girl" are very clear.

My childhood was an isolated and lonely existence. Due to my Father's employment, his residence was in distant cities in my early life and I saw little of him. My Mother was employed throughout all of my youth, so my only contact with her was a brief period in the evenings and weekends.

Consequently, I was reared by my Grandmother who severely limited my development during my childhood, by preventing con- tact with other children.

Undismayed, I sought companions in my imagination, --and did indeed find one, --A Little Girl--in the clothes closet--with the aid of my older sister's clothes, of course.

My cross-dressing continued throughout my childhood, always in secret and without discovery. By the time I was eleven years of age, I had progressed to the point of complete female attire, dresses, high-heels, coat and scarf for after-dark strolls in the neighborhood. As I was large for my age, my sister's clothes fit me quite well, though she was four years my senior.

I experienced my first shocking revelation when I was eleven. I was told that all males that cross-dressed were homosexual.

My life altered drastically at this point, and I rebelled at the thought of any association with males, considering all contact de- viant, however casual.

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